A Loved One’s Lost Memories

A Loved One's Lost Memories

 

A Loved One’s Lost Memories

By Larry G Gulledge

Since my beloved wife has disappeared

I shed many lonesome tears.

It’s so very sad when I reminisce

To happier times I fervently miss.

The journey is agonizingly slow

For those of us who love her so.

Sometimes there is a tinge of joy

When her mind seems to know

A face or voice that touches her soul.

That magic moment does not last

 And we mourn for more memories of the past

That might include our family’s cast.

Instead we hear a sometimes endless chatter

Of scattered tales from her early travels

That makes us numb from stories that no longer matter.

Yet, she continues to enjoy the present minute

And then forgets it as her brain welcomes an earlier tenant.

She loves her children and grandchildren too

But she often forgets who they belong to.

As a caregiver I can become impatient

 And wish God would intervene and make my life more serene.

Then when she takes my hand to her lips

With hands that tremble from too many troubled years

I realize that if she were gone I’d still have those lonesome tears.

Please leave your thoughts and comments

  • robbo

    I’m sorry this quote/poem doesn’t really say what it’s like when you have had to watch your highly intelligent, talented, caring, loving husband brain die because of this obscene disease
    called Alzheimer’s disease. The man you have loved since you were seventeen and married when you were twenty one. I don’t want to be rude, but it says nothing about the stages that you have to face on an on going bases until the man that you love turns into a completely different person. It says nothing about the things he does that he has never done before, the sun downing every evening, the tap that gets left on while you are trying to get the dinner and floods the hall and the bedroom, the things you can no longer find because the man you love has put them some where you can’t find them,your reading glasses that you haven’t been able to find for three days because he put them in the tissue box, not on purpose but because he was trying to help, the day that eventually comes around when he starts to knock you about, something he had never in our whole 43 years of marriage,he would not ever have considered doing and then to your disgust you find yourself pushing him back because you are hurt to the very core of your being. The times you gave him his breakfast, everything seemed not to bad and you were in the laundry doing the washing and he comes looks at you and asks you who you are, as hard as you may try the tears are there in your eyes so all you can do is turn your back so he can’t see them rolling down your face. The one time you didn’t remember to lock the screen door and he went outside but you didn’t know because you had fallen asleep because you had been up for 24 hours, because he couldn’t remember the difference between day and night and had refused to go to bed. The disgust on your neighbours faces because unfortunately you weren’t absolutely perfect. The constant battles you had trying to get him to have a shower, let you help him get dressed and at night help him put his pj’s on, not being able to allow him to close the toilet door because he needed your help every time he went. Nobody told me for quite sometime that I was allowed 66days of respite in an aged care home, I couldn’t let him go for sometime because I was worried he would go downhill a lot quicker if he wasn’t here with me. In the end we paid for 4 days once a month and this helped him remain very much the same as he was. Then came the time it became beyond my capacity to cope any longer,, I went to see an aged care home near where we lived and had to place him in there as much as I didn’t want to, I had been looking after him for about 6.5 years, I thought this was the hardest thing I would eve3r have to do but I couldn’t have been more wrong if I had tried, last tear in May he got diagnosed with cancer. Everything was done that could be done, he died at the end of September last year
    because the cancer was very aggressive and it had spread outside his bladder.
    Now I am on my own and I hate it, I miss the man I love more than it would be possible to put into words. He wasn’t just my husband he was also my very best friend, love doesn’t die because the one you have spent your whole life with has been taken away from you. My husband got on with everybody but he was looked at with utter distain if he spoke to anybody when he got this obscene disease, it was as if he had committed a crime when it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t want it anymore than anybody else would have wanted it either. Why is it people react this way when none of us know what is waiting for us in the future. My husband was showing signs of this obscene disease for some time, although we had no idea what it was, he was officially diagnosed when he was 64 years old, we didn’t get one second of our retirement together, if you think I sometimes get very angry you can bet your life I do. Alzheimer’s couldn’t really have been any worse or that’s what I thought, then to get cancer on top of it and die is sometimes more than I can bear to even think about.