Alzheimer’s Poem: Do Not Ask Me to Remember

Do Not Ask Me to Remember

Do Not Ask Me to Remember

Do not ask me to remember,

Don’t try to make me understand,

Let me rest and know you’re with me,

Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.

I’m confused beyond your concept,

I am sad and sick and lost.

All I know is that I need you

To be with me at all cost.

Do not lose your patience with me,

Do not scold or curse or cry.

I can’t help the way I’m acting,

Can’t be different though I try.

Just remember that I need you,

That the best of me is gone,

Please don’t fail to stand beside me,

Love me ’til my life is done.

– Owen Darnell

Please leave your thoughts and comments

  • Janice

    Do you know where I can get a framed print of this poem?

  • Nancy Mouhalis

    A beautiful poem……..God bless all that are affected by this terrible disease!

  • Anita

    My mother suffered with this terrible disease, I love this poem. Words are so true.

  • LJ

    RIP Dad I love & miss you so much… please know that I was there with you… my heart is broken but I will go on and be the person you wanted me to be … I will make you proud xxx

  • Marina

    So true love this poem. It’s been displayed on the wall in the care home where I work.

  • gary whidden

    my wife has alzheimers this is a poem I will never forget

  • boots

    beautiful, but the spelling of “though” vs. “through” needs attention before a wall display is made

    • caitlinburm

      Hi Boots,

      Thank you for pointing this out. We will be sure to make the necessary corrections on this page.

  • Vivek Narayanan

    My mother was suffering from early signs of Alzheimer. I gave her 1 ml of coconut oil three times a day in raw form. I could notice significant improvements on her memory power.

    Apparently, it seems the allopathy drugs which reduce cholesterol is the culprit for most of the patients. It kills the good cholesterol from the brain which causes Alzheimer. I reduced the allopathy drug from once every night to once every week.

    It’s a myth that coconut oil increases bad cholesterol. There was an age old research that was carried on Hydrogenated Coconut that supported this theory.According to new researches, virgin coconut oil adds good cholesterol in your body which is vital for healthy life. Please avoid Hydrogenated coconut oil as it has bad cholesterol.

    Following links helped me:
    [Link Removed]

    I found some one who was able to provide me cold pressed virgin coconut oil.

    Wishing your near and dear, a speedy recovery. Spread this news to every corner of this world if this helped you like for my mother.

  • Missy Piper

    has anyone seen a poem that some caregiver wrote about their grandparent or parent while they were in the final stage of Alzheimer’s from their perspective?

  • Russell Schirm

    I would also like to find a framed print of this poem

    • Elin R. Evensen

      See comment above. You can get the first part of the poem framed here:

      • Elin R. Evensen

        Well… A print which you can frame yourself 😉

  • tee

    I don’t think I’ve ever read anything that fully expresses the horrors and realities of this illness.

  • Can someone tell me if they know is this song in the Public domain or is there a copyright on it?

  • Tammy brewster

    My dad is suffering now 🙁

  • Glenda Kremer

    I cried when I first read this and realize I need to read this every day as we are now dealing with our mom and alzheimers–the hardest thing we have ever done. thank you for this beautiful reminder!

    • neha

      My grandmother suffered from Alzheimers and I was her caretaker till 9yrs. I hav seen every bit of behavioral changes are could interpret and find the solutions. She flew to heaven on dec15 2015. And she will always remains my ever green angel

    • neha

      Sorry dec15 2014

  • Cindy

    My significant other suffers with this now and how true these words are….makes me cry every time I read it.

  • soumyadeep jana

    my mother who is seriously threatened by Alzheimer dementia from last 9 yrs is now in the terminal stage of her life probably….we the family members have witnessed d true bt terrible fate of d disese.sometimes we lost our temperment facing d uncurable disease process .i can realize nd relate d reality of every word of ds poem…so my heartiest love to the poet…i would like to share nd make it as a framed print in my drawing room….

  • Minnie

    To prepare for framing…. Save the artistic version and then print … mine ended up 81/2 by 11 more or less.

  • jacquie

    I have been working with ppl with alzheimer’s and other dementia’s now for 4 years. Although they can change in a minute I love them even more knowing that, we may not know why, neither do they.

  • Kathy Ford

    Kathy. I really need help. I am 80% sure my Mom is suffering from this disease. I have a family full of addicts abusing her medicines finances and peace of mind, but she defends them up and down. Allows them all to move in, and I’m the bad guy because I try to stop it. I am so baffled.. Please help…how do you protect someone who doesn’t want help!

    • JumpForJoy26

      Try to talk her into going to the doctor for a check-up. Go with her. If she gets a diagnosis, it will make it easier to obtain guardianship. Do some research online to find out which court handles guardianships in your city. You need to become the guardian of her finances as well as her health care. Don’t wait…the addicts could clean her out! Also, if she has Alzheimer’s she needs to be watched continuously. She could wander away and get lost or injured. She probably needs to be in assisted living facility. Good luck.

  • Charleen

    So true and beautiful. My husband just shared this poem with me and it brought tears to both of our eyes. And I agree with the person who said its one you should read everyday as a reminder. Thank you Owen Darnell. I don’t think you could have expressed it any better.

  • Glenn Moate

    This fits “Dancing in the moonlight” almost perfectly although Thin Lizzy are no more , a current band comprising of the remaining band are still going , I played it in Lesvos this year and caused a few tears , I’m nowhere near talented enough to do it justice but will try to put it up so you can see what you think , awareness raising maybe?.

  • Joey Venture

    I recently wrote some music to this song but had to add a chorus. Does anyone have contact info for the author?

  • Linda Keichline

    This changed the way I worked with my mother until the end of her life. I thank Owen Darnell so much for this poem, which was sent to me at exactly the right time. It truly changed our lives.

    • caitlinburm

      Hi Linda,

      Thank you so much for sharing that personal story with us. It is a beautiful poem and it has touched my family as well, as we progress through the stages of dementia with my grandmother.

      Wishing you all the best during this time.

  • The Senior List

    Such powerful words. We’re inspired and will certainly share them!

  • Andreas

    Thanks Owen for this beautiful poem. So sad and so true. I cry everytime I rread it since my mother has this terrible disease.

    • caitlinburm

      I know what you mean, Andreas. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us on this poem, and we will be thinking of you and your mother during this time.

  • jane

    After the tears, a carer’s response :

    I’ll not press you to remember,
    Or make sense of where we are,
    I’ll be happy just to hold your hand,
    And stroke your furrowed brow.
    I know that you are struggling,
    I try to understand your pain.
    I am here for you as days go by
    Never far away.
    I will temper my frustration,
    And try hard to stem my tears.
    I will share with you our memories,
    Talk about familiar things.
    We still badly need each other,
    We are still a loving pair,
    My place is tight beside you,
    I always will be here.

    jane harrop

    • anne

      Jane, I totally love your response. I work in a Dementia unit and I feel the words of your poem. Your poem is so very true, sensitive expresses your deep love and would bring peace any family members.

    • Saran

      i cried when i read this poem, good job! my grandma has this and she’s really sick due to this terrible disease.

    • Rene’ Ashmore

      Jane, That is an awesome response and I would like to post it on my Facebook if it’s ok with you. I’m helping my dad take care of my 83 yr old mom who has advanced dementia. She also has other issues that resulted in a fall earlier this year and a broken femur. It’s so incredibly hard to watch but it’s also hard to remember what you have so beautifully written. I’m going to print this and read it often to help me, help her! God Bless you!

      • Phern Winters

        Amen. A beautiful response. I want to share that too. My dad is also
        suffering just watching and the in-between conversations with those who
        have gone on and those he wants to see who are here, I realize he’s
        nearing his transition, I need to extend my stay in Chicago another week
        just to spend more time with the man I know as daddy while I can still
        see a portion of him.

    • David

      That carer response is so beautiful. Thank you Jane.

    • Phern Winters

      That is Glorious response I want to share this. It is so eloquent

  • jane

    After the tears, a carer’s response :

  • Roger Aertgeerts

    The poem touched me deeply as my 89-year old mother was diagnosed two years ago and a dear friend just died of early onset dementia. A few thoughts on the discussion. There is a period of transition between the medical exams, the diagnosis and the acceptance by the patient. Carers have an important role to play during this transition. Also, while obtaining legal custody is important and a rather straightforward process, it does mean that a judge is now in full control of the assets of the patient. Reporting and control procedures proceed along very formal lines, and carers should be ready to devote significant time to learning these formal procedures to make the legal process go as smoothly as possible. Don’t underestimate the time and effort needed for this.

  • Hazel McHaffie

    Is it OK to quote this poem in a newsletter for people who care for elderly residents with dementia please?

  • Jennett Hepburn

    Thank’s beautiful…just trying to explain to my siblings. ..that mom can’t help it…but they won’t or don’t want to try and understand…feeling overwhelmed at the moment…been on my own now with mom my whole life while raising my 3 kids and 14 grandkids…my dad died when i was 18..took care of mom snice then …now im 57 and i am on my own ….been 1 year since things started changing with mom….my siblings always know better or more..but none lift a hand…not one!!!…not even so I can get a break…she said it was my alotment in life and I had better get use to it…since Im not married and they are!!..was wondering if anyone else goes thru this???…this poem made me cry….just helped me to remember why..I do this…I love my mom with my whole heart..ty

    • jackie

      Im going through it right now. I lost my dad three weeks ago to dementia. Now I get to watch my mom go through it. This is possibly the worst disease. I have three siblings that would not go and visit my dad because it was to hard on them??? What about my dad? The worst part is that I didn’t want tell my mom that dad was gone, but I finally did and she forgot an hour later. My parents were good people and absolutely did not deserve this. I miss my dad so much, and I miss my mom even though she’s not gone. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. You feel like such a bad person when all that you want is for them to pass away so they don’t have to suffer. What kind of person wishes that?

      • Diana Peters

        Everyone of us that has gone thru dementia with a parent has wished exactly the same. Just lost my mom 2 weeks ago. This disease is actually worse from us caregivers than the patient…they don’t realize what they don’t remember.

    • Loretta Horton

      Omg this sounds like how it’s going with me,i take care of my mom she’s in the final stage and it’s been hard my family just don’t get it, the only time they see her is when I have to take her to the hospital then it’s like they know what’s best ,
      They all tell me what a great job I’m doing with mom,
      But not one of them will step up and help me or even come to give me a break no one call her or visit’s us it’s sad and break’s my heart I love my mother so much and just don’t understand why or how anyone can stay away from this Beautiful lady
      Well thanks for letting me vent

    • Guido Schuldberg

      God bless you… him and only him will give you the strength you need. Keep praying… it will come

  • Sheridan

    Does any one know how I can get in contact with Owen Darnell? I am a writing a speech on dementia, would love to use this poem and go into further depth about why he wrote this and his thoughts. Thank you

    • Pat France

      I would like to get permission to use this poem on my Maryland Senior Resource Network, Inc. website. How to I contact whoever will give it to me?
      Pat France, [email protected]

  • Mark McKinnon

    I wrote a brief reply to Mr Darnell’s poem a couple of years ago. My dad will be 93 soon and has been afflicted with this awful thing for the 2 or 4 years I guess. Anyway, for some reason I felt like sharing this tonight.

    I will gladly help you through this
    I’ll take you by the hand
    And walk with you as we explore
    This unfamiliar land.

    I promise to be patient
    As you have been with me
    But there seems to be an issue
    On which we disagree.

    I’ve been with you enough to know
    The best of you remains
    It lies inside a loving heart
    And not within your brain.

    So have no doubt – I’ll be here
    I’ll help you all I can
    For you’re the one who taught me
    How a boy becomes a man.

    • Debra Bird

      This is really beautiful, please may I share it with my family following the recent death of my Mum

      • Mark McKinnon

        Thank you for the kind words, Debra.
        You absolutely may share it.
        Sorry for your loss.

    • whatpeople

      Thank you for sharing.

  • colin savory

    looking for a poem witch starts I once had a life full of laughter and tears does anybody have it please..

  • Pat Pottinger

    Stunning beautiful thoughtful poem.
    Had me in tears. Thank you.
    Have shared so others can be moved too.

  • Jerry parker

    I along with my 5 siblings are now in the second stage of dementia with our mother. My heart is heavy I cannot stop crying and my momma says I’m trying I’m trying. She is 84 I need help. This poem has touch my very soul. Prayers appreciated.

  • joann

    I shared today. You get it.

  • Sharon Dove

    I would like to post this poen on the cover of a magazine. Is it copywright? If so, how do I get permission?

    • Amy Morris

      How can I get copyright release ?I work for an Alzheimers organization and we would like to use it in a cookbook we are making for our residents.Need to know ASAP!

  • Pat France, Towson, Maryland

    I would like to put this poem on our Maryland Senior Resource Network website. How do I get permission? Pat France, [email protected] 410-828-5564

  • MoodyAve

    Perfectly written. Every single thought said, and shared.

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